Meditation for 28 April 2010
From The Rev. Peter A. Munson
Matthew 5:21-24

21 ‘You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, “You shall not murder”; and “whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.” 22But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, “You fool”, you will be liable to the hell of fire. 23So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.

Anger and Initiating Reconciliation

In the passage above, Jesus is not saying, “Don’t be angry.” How do I know? Because we know about times when Jesus got angry. He got frustrated when the disciples, after being with him for quite some time, exhibited very little faith. He got angry with the self-righteous scribes and the Pharisees, and the burdens/guilt that they laid on other people. And probably you remember his anger at the money-changers outside the temple, and the tables that he sent flying.

What Jesus is talking about is what we do with our anger. Most of us, because we are uncomfortable with our anger and even more uncomfortable with telling someone that we are angry with them, do all sorts of indirect things with our anger – things, ironically enough, which usually end up hurting us in some way.

We try denying that we are angry. We avoid it, suppress it, stuff it – do anything to keep ourselves from really acknowledging that we are angry.

In the name of being “nice” or kind or “Christian”, we might spiritualize our anger. We say – to ourselves and perhaps to others – things like: “I just need to pray about this and ask for God to take this anger away.” Or: “This is my cross to bear. I just need to swallow this, be the better man, and move on.” (Blah, blah, blah – barf!)

My preferred strategy, in the name of not getting angry, is to deny that I am angry and then, almost inevitably, I start getting depressed. (Depression is often unexpressed anger.) At times, my “priest persona” has gotten in the way. That internal message goes something like this: “I’m a priest and the spiritual leader of a congregation. I’m not supposed to get angry with my people.” This is another version of “This is my cross to bear.”

There are big problems with all of these strategies. They don’t help us stay current in our relationships. Instead, these strategies keep us stuck and sap our creative energy. Also, these strategies tend to lead to anger building up over time, and anger that builds up over time becomes resentment and bitterness (or we get physically sick). And finally, these strategies don’t lead to reconciliation.
If you look again more closely at this passage, Jesus is very interested in us being reconciled with our neighbor. The issue is not whether or not we will get angry. We will. Things happen. We’re human beings. I will hurt or offend you. You will hurt or offend me. It’s not often intentional. Stuff happens. We say things, not always in the most loving ways. Our words hurt someone else. The person who is hurt often feels angry. The issue is what we do with our anger.

“So, when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)

(Don’t miss the implication here. Jesus may not have been quoted here as saying it, but he implies also: “… if you remember that you have something against your brother or sister, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.”)

The going to our brother or sister doesn’t have to be a big drama. In fact, what is often most helpful is just to go to the person and say, “I’m angry” (or “I’m feeling angry”), add a few words about what you’re angry about, and add, “I’m committed to working this out with you.”

I think every single one of us, without exception, is sitting on some anger. The size of that reservoir of anger may vary, but we’re all sitting on some. Our goal should be to get as current and up-to-date as possible, when it comes to expressing our anger. There is another place in the Bible where we receive this advice. “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger…” (Ephesians 4:26) This is great advice for a family (Have your ever gone to bed angry at your spouse or another family member?), but great advice – period.

When we express to another person – briefly, directly – that we are angry, we then have the chance to work through the angry feelings, listen to each other, seek to understand each person’s point of view, learn something, and be reconciled. And then we can move on. We are current with that person, reconciled with that person, the anger is gone, and there are not the lingering effects – judgment, distance, resentment, stress, sickness, etc. – that are usually there when we deny, avoid, or spiritualize our anger.

“First be reconciled to your brother or sister,” Jesus says. Another way to put it might be, “Deal! Express it directly and move on.” Otherwise, there is hell to pay, in all sorts of ways.

So… before offering your gift at the altar this Sunday, is there someone that you need to be reconciled with? Think about it, and if so, make the first move. Initiate that reconciliation.