Meditation for 16 June 2010
From The Rev. Peter A. Munson
Numbers 11:1-15

Now when the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, the Lord heard it and his anger was kindled. Then the fire of the Lord burned against them, and consumed some outlying parts of the camp. 2But the people cried out to Moses; and Moses prayed to the Lord, and the fire abated. 3So that place was called Taberah, because the fire of the Lord burned against them.
4 The rabble among them had a strong craving; and the Israelites also wept again, and said, ‘If only we had meat to eat! 5We remember the fish we used to eat in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; 6but now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.’
7 Now the manna was like coriander seed, and its color was like the color of gum resin. 8The people went around and gathered it, ground it in mills or beat it in mortars, then boiled it in pots and made cakes of it; and the taste of it was like the taste of cakes baked with oil. 9When the dew fell on the camp in the night, the manna would fall with it.
10 Moses heard the people weeping throughout their families, all at the entrances of their tents. Then the Lord became very angry, and Moses was displeased. 11So Moses said to the Lord, ‘Why have you treated your servant so badly? Why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me? 12Did I conceive all this people? Did I give birth to them, that you should say to me, “Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a sucking child”, to the land that you promised on oath to their ancestors? 13Where am I to get meat to give to all this people? For they come weeping to me and say, “Give us meat to eat!” 14I am not able to carry all this people alone, for they are too heavy for me. 15If this is the way you are going to treat me, put me to death at once—if I have found favor in your sight—and do not let me see my misery.’
Facing the Truth
The Jews who would eventually become the people of Israel had been led out of slavery in Egypt by God’s mighty hand, and with Moses as God’s right-hand man. Now they were in the wilderness, and things weren’t going so well. (You probably recall that, according to the Bible, they stayed in the wilderness for forty years, mostly because God got frustrated with their lack of faithfulness. “Let this faithless generation die off” seemed to be God’s strategy.)
Anyway, in this passage from Numbers, the people are complaining that they have no meat to eat (even though God has been giving them their daily “bread” – manna – each morning, and a double portion on the sixth day). Moses is complaining to God. “Did I conceive all this people?” (verse 12) There is what me might call a “chain of complain” going on. And the fire of the Lord burns against the people. (verse 1) God is just plain angry with their ungratefulness and lack of faith. So what is the truth, in a nutshell? The people are complaining ingrates. Moses is frustrated with the people, with God, and with his impossible job. And God is ticked off and feels like wiping his people – the people he just saved – off the face of the earth.
I think that oftentimes the most courageous thing that you or I can do each day is to face the truth – about ourselves.
Here are some things that are true for me today.
The truth is that on my long run this morning, I walked part of the way.
I have made it a major goal of my life over the past year or so to “be authentic”, and the truth is that there is a part of be that is scared to be authentic, scared of what might come of it. And yet, I see the fruits – the lack of “aliveness” – when I am not fully authentic, and I know that I don’t want to travel even one mile down that road!
The truth is that within an hour of waking up this morning, I was in tears, telling Julia, “I am so lost!”
The truth is that members of the clergy can get just as lost as anyone else, and any ordained folk who deny this are either unconscious or lying, and either option – an unconscious priest or a lying one – is bad news for people in the pews. (The good news for you is that you are not called to follow a priest; you are called to follow Jesus.)
The truth is that some days I write these meditations more for myself than I do for anyone else. It is also true that it is my constant prayer that these meditations are helpful for the people who read them.
The truth is that some days I say, “I don’t know if I can keep being a parish priest until I am 65.” It’s also true that I love most of what I do as a priest. I love making hospital visits, I love preaching, I love being with families during baptisms and weddings and funerals, I love listening to folks talk about how they see God at work in their lives. And yet, the truth is that some days I feel like I have nothing left to give.
The truth is that – whether my face shows it or not – I am happiest when I am doing Lectio Divina with eight or ten of you on Sunday morning, when I am singing, when I am running, when I am watching or playing baseball, when I am hiking, when I make it successfully across a ridge that part of me was terrified to cross, when a Bible passage “comes alive” to me and I feel like God is sitting right there next to me, when I am reading a really good book, when I am having a good meal and a great connection with my family or with a group of friends, and when I am participating in communion with fellow seekers like you (another way to share in a good meal and a great connection with family and friends).
The truth is that my wife, Julia, is the most amazing person I have ever met, and yet she cannot satisfy all my emotional needs, and I think that is true for all of us – no one person can satisfy all of our emotional needs.
The truth is that I don’t have one or two best friends in my life right now, and that is a problem that needs addressing.
The truth is that most of my life is tied into being a priest, and I don’t know how healthy that is.
The truth is that I don’t need any other human being to rescue me or “hero” me when I am lost or in a hard place; I just need to be able to say what is true – out loud – and have someone, or maybe a number of people… listen.
The truth is that when I get through this wilderness – a wilderness that I’ve probably been in for at least three years now – I am going to be more fully alive and probably not so nice and perhaps a more volatile human being, and I am really looking forward to that.
The truth is that I need Jesus as my Lord and as my Savior – as much as I ever have – and I am deeply grateful that my Lord is accessible and available and faithful and dependable – even when I am lost in the wilderness.
The truth is that – in the middle of being lost in the wilderness – I saw two rabbits on my run today and beautiful snow-capped mountains and a water skier having fun on Standley Lake, and when I came back from my run, my wife really listened to me, and my son made me laugh, and I got in touch with the Spirit within, who sometimes compels me to write, and I think I got a glimpse of what C.S. Lewis must have meant when he wrote about “the Hound of Heaven.”
The truth is that I hope that this meditation has been not only good therapy for me – which it has – but also helpful for you… today… in your life.