Pastoral Care 101 and Mutual Expectations

A big part of a priest’s job is to be a pastor. “Pastor” comes from the Latin and means shepherd. In the ordination service for a priest, part of what the Bishop says to the ordinand is this: “… you are called to to work as a pastor, priest, and teacher… You are to love and serve the people among whom you work, caring alike for young and old, strong and weak, rich and poor… In all that you do, you are to nourish Christ’s people from the riches of his grace, and strengthen them to glorify God in this life and in the life to come.” (The Book of Common Prayer, p. 531) One of the questions the Bishop then goes on to ask the ordinands is “Will you undertake to be a faithful pastor to all whom you are called to serve, laboring together with them and with your fellow ministers to build up the family of God?” (BCP, p. 532) I’m sure you recall that in our Episcopal tradition the ministers of the church are all of us – lay persons, bishops, priests, and deacons. (See the Catechism, BCP, p. 855) This means that all of us are involved in offering pastoral care to each other, that all of us are involved in building up the family of God. This makes sense if you think about it, because pastoral care – at its core – is about loving one another, and in a community of faith, we are all called to love and care for each other.

Having said that, a big part of my calling as a priest, and a big part of what I love about my job, is being a pastor. And I think that now and then it is helpful to review what this part of my job looks like – from my perspective – and to say a little bit about what your expectations can be of me, and what my expectations are of you.

So let me begin. First of all, if you are going through some kind of challenge or crisis – an upcoming surgery, for example, or an illness or death in the family, unemployment, separation or divorce, a crisis of faith, are engaged to be married or expecting a baby (celebratory times can also be stressful times!), a reasonable expectation for you to have is for me (or another of us among the clergy) to be available to you, to offer support, a listening presence, and love.

Let me be clear: I love this part of my job. I love meeting people in pre-op and praying with them right before they go in for surgery, and sitting with anxious family members as they wait for a loved one to come out of surgery. This is not an inconvenience for me or some kind of “burden” for me. I am not overwhelmed or freaked out by going into hospitals or by planning funerals. This is my calling, and it is where I often shine as a priest. I am never “too busy” for you to call me, if you suddenly need someone to listen to you when you are going through some unexpected challenge or transition. I am happy to rearrange my schedule, if I need to, so that I can meet you at the hospital, or sit down with you in my office and help you think through a particular situation.

A word about logistics and getting ahold of me: If you really need to get ahold of me for an important situation, I prefer that you call me. My cell phone number is (303) 908-5521. Put it in your phone. Write it down wherever you need to. And don’t feel you need to apologize if you need some attention. I am your pastor. This is what I do, and this is what I love doing.
Yes, I have email and yes – I even text! But those are not the best ways to get ahold of me if you have a serious concern. Unlike some people, I am not on email every single day. (You may find that Heather and I are a little different in this way. If you want to get ahold of Heather quickly, you might try emailing her or texting her.)

Here is the main expectation I have of each of you. If you’d like support from me during these times, contact me. You can talk to me on Sunday if you know of an upcoming surgery. You can call me (or email me if you are giving me a longer period of notice). What is frustrating for me as a pastor is when I find out afterwards that someone has had surgery and has already gone home. I understand that some people may want some privacy, but please don’t ever think “Oh, Peter is too busy, and I don’t want to bother him!” I’d like to be there for you, but I can’t be if you never tell me of your need. And if I absolutely can’t be there (due to being out of town, for example), I will talk to Heather or Linda, and we will work something out so that one of us can be with you.

A couple of other thoughts to share with you:

I am not a trained counselor, nor am I allowed by the Diocese to offer longer-term counseling. I can see you up to three times in a crisis. After that, if you and I think that you need more ongoing support, I will make a referral. (The good news is I know quite a few good therapists and I will usually give you two or three people to check out. In cases where longer-term counseling is needed, I often refer at the end of our first conversation.)

Pastoral care is not limited to these crisis situations. It’s also true that – as we get to know each other over time – I can offer you different types of care. For example, ongoing encouragement and guidance as you look for a job, or as you meet the long-term challenges of being a parent, or as you go through the process of grieving. As we open up to each other – as you and I reveal to each other what is really going on in our lives, as we are honest and transparent with one another – we offer love and care to each other on a week-to-week basis.

I give thanks to God and to you for the privilege of being your pastor. I give thanks to you for the opportunity to be in relationship with you, as we seek God and follow Jesus together. Again, you are not “bothering me” when you let me know what it going on in your life, or when you make a request of me. It’s simply an opportunity for me to serve you, an opportunity for me to live out my calling, and an opportunity for Christ to come among us. “For whenever two or three of you are gathered in my name…” – as Jesus said – He is in our midst. And that is a blessed thing!

Grace and peace,

Peter+